The Monthly Rag

Maybe this should be called the daily poop...But that would imply posts would go up on a daily basis and that shit just aint gonna happen.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Throw up vs. Vomit

It doesn't matter what you call it, all I know is I can't get the smell out of my car. Apparently 6 year olds can get car sick. Who freaking knew? All I remember of this lasting moment is the slo-mo vision of my son expeling bucketsful of orange slop in the backseat of my semi-new car. I might as well trade it in because the smell is lingering like the pesky dead body of an ex-boyfriend. I bet if I drove my car into a deep ravine, the ravine would start to smell like puke. I bet if I drove it into a lake, all of the fish would taste like vomit.

Everytime I get in my car, I get queasy. I hate the smell of throw-up. When I smell it, the contents in my tummy start to behave as though they are training for the circus. The only exit is up. It takes just about all I have to keep my intenstines from making a guest appearance on the side of my car.

Vinegar doesn't work, Febreeze doesn't work, a stink bomb doesn't work, cutting out the fabric and interlacing the hole with yarn and potpourri doesn't work. I am considering asking him to poop in my car to mask the smell of his throw-up. My rationale is that I am a sympathetic puker, not a sympathetic pooper.


Holly said...

I sympathize... my dad was bulimic and I had the bedroom right next to the bathroom. I hate all things vomit, especially the sound.

jjomomma said...

I had a roommate who was too. It was strange because she would leave vomit splatters on the wall but then deny she was doing it.

I'm sure that is where the love affair began, it was my job to clean up her vomit because her denial included the tale-tell signs.

PuPCakes said...

Thank you for making me appreciate the dissipating smell of cat urine that was in my car for a mere month. (p.s. I highly recommend Pet-tastic. silly name? yes. but it works. it has to do with enzymes or something)