The Monthly Rag

Maybe this should be called the daily poop...But that would imply posts would go up on a daily basis and that shit just aint gonna happen.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Feline Urolagnia/Coprophilia

The Claw, or Kitty Claw, the newest addition to the family has a disturbing fascination with our bathroom duties. She loves it. She can be down the hall, in a dead sleep and with the first splash of morning pee, she will scramble to the bathroom to sit and watch you urinate.

It gets even a bit more disturbing when Skraggle is relieving himself because she likes to play a more active role. Sometimes she will try to stick her paw in his stream, or her head. Skraggle has been forced to sit like a bitch when he pees because he doesn't want to cuddle with a urine soaked cat.

Sometimes she will try and get in your butt when you are pooping. Yes you read right, sometimes when I poop, I feel like I am going to be anally molested by a cat. Occasionally, she will jump up behind me and lay against my clenched backside as I poop.

When I was gone for a week and a half, she missed me. A lot.

And when I say a lot, I mean a lot, a lot.

Ok, she didn't actually miss me, she missed the curve of my ass.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Ice Cream? I Scream...

So I am jogging along the track at Arcadia High School when I see 2 girls strolling along the numbers 4 and 5 lanes. I really have no problem with that; I feel you have to go at your own pace. But when your pace also involves holding your purse while you scoop ice cream in your mouth while you meander along the middle of the track...

Whatever. Do what you need to do to assuage the guilt, but seriously, the next time I see these gals with their ice cream cups lollygagging on what I now consider MY track, I plan to run up behind them, kick them in their gluttonous maximus, and steal their ice cream.

What are they going to do, chase me?

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Bound or Hung on a Cross?

I was one toe tuck away from this painful path...instead life tossed me a fundamental christian family. I sometimes wonder which fate would have been worse...

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Breaking Barriers

It is a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. I ran 8 laps around the track last night and didn't walk once. By my estimation, that's 2 miles of pushing clean air through my lungs.

My 5K goal is getting closer...Skraggle laid in the infield on a blanket watching his ipod. He better watch out, I am going to be in good enough shape to run away soon.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Fishing for Compliments

This was my third year going deep sea fishing with Neal, Gerry and the rest of the gang. I actually awoke on time with a little help from Skraggle who used his foot by firmly planting it on my backside and pushed me out of the bed. After last year's late start whereby I awoke late after a long hot night of steamy sex, I made it to the port 37 minutes late, but just in time to jump on the boat as it left the dock.

This year, instead of playing with balls, we watched them run around the bases with Masa, Corazon and Kelsie at the Dodger Stadium. Needless to say, we got home fairly late and I got to bed even later. My lady love, Skraggle, was kind enough to make me a gallon of coffee as I blindly stumbled outta of the house, in the dark. As I was backing out of the driveway, he hands me the cooler and said, "don't even think about coming home without dinner tonight." ...and with a peck on the cheek, I was off!

This year's excursion proved to be very lucrative for me. I just went to have a good time with Neal and the Gang. Not only did I get to spend my day with some good friends and meet some cool new people, I caught a 17 pound Yellow Tail along the backside of Catalina Island and won the jackpot prize, 85 bones!

Yeah bitches! Not only am I wanted by the gents, this trip has sealed my reputation as being very popular with the fishes.