The Monthly Rag

Maybe this should be called the daily poop...But that would imply posts would go up on a daily basis and that shit just aint gonna happen.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Credit is soooo last spring.

Let me just preface this paragraph with one statement:

I am not a financial wizard, but I can balance a checkbook which appears to be a lost art.

What do I think about the government "bail out" plan? For starters, to call it anything else would be a delusion. Regardless of all of the hacks on Wall Street who put the rest of the country on our current financial precipice, a situation where they will be the only winners and the rest of us, will lose again. They came up with a plan that will take the heat off of their greedy asses and make Everyman scrape the bottom of the barrel to foot the bill.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

But in a world where banks are collapsing and the value of the once almighty dollar is drastically shrinking, something has got to be done. The government bail out is not ideal but SOMETHING has got to be done to prop up our crippled economy.

It hit home for me today as I was sitting in a meeting. Our company is doing well on the NSYE during this crisis. Our stock has been going up and up while everything else has been plummeting. The REIT market in general seems to be faring well. HOWEVER, if the banks don't start lending money soon and we can't tap into our line of credit, despite how well we are doing, the layoffs will be inevitable.

yeah, it is uncomfortably close to home. So though I am not crazy about the thought of the government (or anyone else for that matter) coming in and saving the rich asshats and when I mean save, I mean preventing them from losing their Hampton summer homes, something has to be done or the rest of us peons will know what it is to be truly poor, hungry and destitute...and there is nothing more depressing to think that my 2-bit hooker ass can only bring in 1-bit.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


The only thing that is missing from this photo is Cole.

Otherwise it would have been a perfect day.

Monday, September 22, 2008

ISO: Penis

If I play the same role a typical responsible man does in our modern day society, I just want to know, where is my penis?

I feel gyped...and yes I have penis envy.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Packing up and moving to Utah

No really, seriously, I am packing up my shit and moving to Utah, the state that allows polygamy. Marcus and Shawna, will you guys be my lawfully wedded couple? To love and to hold, in sickness and in health, and all the rest of it?

What a smokin' hot couple. They have going on in all departments. Here is my proposal, we could tag team all night fueled by real affection and tenderness and then clean the house naked!

Nothing says "I do" like great sex and a hot ass on a sqeaky clean countertop.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


Why do we not realize the value of our friends until crisis hits us? I don't mean to be all sentimental and what not, but if it weren't for all of the people in my life who have rallied around me during one of the hardest times in my life, I am not sure how I could have gotten out of bed on some mornings.

Thank you friend for mowing the lawn for me when I was pretty sure I would have mowed my leg off. By the way, a good way to drop a few pounds permanently, but not recommended. Thank you friend for coming over and letting me cry on your shoulders, all night long. Thank you friend for inviting me over and making me dinner and letting me cry on your shoulders, all night long. Thank you friend for talking on the phone with me almost every night, letting me cry in your ear, all night long. and thank you friend for sending me emails during the day, reminding me that I am going to be fine.

If I don't say this enough: to all of my friends, I love you and I thank you.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Relationship just keeps getting better and better.

Gentlemen, listen up...

Bringing up the topic of marriage just a few short days after your intended broke up with her boyfriend, isn't a very smart thing to do...

See how that sentence sounds when you stop and read it?

Crazy as a mother fucking loon!

But hey, keep 'em coming; shit like that only helps me to weed you fuckers out.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Running to the future

May wonders never cease! In what appeared to be another futile stab at finding another running partner, I think I finally met him!

An old friend of mine and I recently reconnected through businesss. As it turns out, he runs marathons and he is also running the Pasadena 1/2 Marathon this fall. Last night, we met up at the Rose Bowl. Admittedly, I was a little taken back when he said he likes to interval train, meaning, run 6 minutes, walk 3. What? Doesn't anyone just jog until they collaspe or throw up anymore? He said interval training helps his body to recover so that he can run for endurance. Whatever dude, just jog with me and don't make me stop!

We jogged the entire 3 miles without stopping at a 10 mile/minute pace. It felt good. We were able to talk and we reached a very decent stride somewhere in the middle.

He thinks I can run a 1/2 marathon by February. I think he's on crack, but at the pace I've been training, I do see myself doing a 10K somewhere in the near future.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008


I realized this morning as I go through my routine, I find new things that I am in search of. For example, I am in search of someone to wake up with in the morning. I don't mean I want another boyfriend, I just want to wake up with someone next to me, no hanky panky, just a warm body to help me jump start the day.

So if you are willing or know of anyone out there willing to come over to my house around 7:00am (after you have brushed your teeth), get naked, hop into bed with me (and this will be tricky because your side is against the wall and you have to get over there by crawling over my body without waking me up) and pretend to be asleep while I hit my snooze button a few times, curl up against your back and allow me reach around and grab your doink, because that is how I like to wake up. All you have to do is just lay there as I slowly come to and stumble into the bathroom for my morning pee. You can pretty much leave after that.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

ISO- Running Partner

Yesterday, a friend from the past calls up and wants to know how the hell I am doing. I gave him an earful of news and he suggested that I go jogging with him to clear my head. He knows this 3.2 path in San Marino that will kick my ass and I was up for it. It was surface but that was cool by me. If I plan on running the 5K, I gotta start jogging surface streets.

It was a great run, the best part is I could have gone longer. Was it just a few months ago that I was celebrating my 2 mile mark? I wanted to run until my legs wore out and I fell over from good old fashion physical exertion. The hills were hard and steep but mentally, I knew I could take it, shit, I've taken a worse beating mentally over the past month, these hills felt like anthills.

I think my friend was a bit disappointed that it wasn't as hard for me as he had advertised and I was a bit disappointed that I had not found my running partner. I am looking for a partner to run cross country with me, not stop every mile.

We still had a great time and there is nothing better than chips, salsa and cold beer for a job well done. It was a good way to get re-acquainted with an old friend, but alas, no jogging connection was made.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Gansta Love

Last night I decided to go jogging because I had not gone in about a week, I needed to clear my head and I needed to get back on track, literally.

Arcadia High, my home track was crazy. There were all sorts of Emergency vehicles in front and the place was packed. I think there was a high school game going on because all of the lights were on and no one was jogging around the track. So I go to the back-up track, the dirty, smaller, darker and gansta infested track, Arroyo High.

Well sonumbitch, wouldn't ya know, the place is on lock down too! Where's a gal to go when she wants to get her run on, on a Friday night? All of the gates were closed and the lights were out. I drove around the lot and scanned the track. There were people still running on the track! They will need to get out at some point and you know, if there is a way out, then there is a way in.

I saw gansta gansta in the lot and he was hanging on the fence. It was quite obvious he wasn't at the track to run it. He was quite portly and was wearing the wrong shoes. However, I mustered up my courage, got out of my car, walked over and said, "hey, how do you get into this place." Mr. Nice Portly Gansta Gansta says to me, "Yeah, this place is on lock down but go around the track to the other side and you will see an opening."

Yee-Haw! Thanks Gansta friend!

I hopped in my car, drove around and found the secret exit/entrance by following the people who were leaving.

I jogged 2 of the hardest and best miles I ever jogged in my life. And the best part is my gansta friend and his posse kept me company. As I jogged around the track, they sat on the benches smoking out and being cool. I felt safe knowing they were there.

Moral of the story: first impressions are not always accurate.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008


Well I done did it! 3 miles without stopping and in approx 35 minutes! My lungs were screaming bloody murder but my legs told them to shut the fuck up and do their job.

My mind on the other hand couldn't give a rats ass what I was doing, as long as I was running, a skill that I have finely honed over the years.