The Monthly Rag

Maybe this should be called the daily poop...But that would imply posts would go up on a daily basis and that shit just aint gonna happen.

Saturday, May 16, 2009


Can someone please come over and smack a bitch the next time I decide that eating all you can eat Korean BBQ for three hours straight is a good idea? Because that little thing in most people's head that says, "put down the fork and scootch your chair away from the table now" when they have had enough to eat, appears to be broken in my head.

Mistake number one...I decided to not eat for the entire day so that I could shove as much meat down my gullet for dinner. By the time we got to the restaurant, I was ready to eat the napkins. I was so hongry (and a bit grumpy too). So we sit down and I immediately eat all of the panchin. By the time everyone had gotten there, most of it was gone and we had to order more. A few people were probably pissed, but did I mention I was HONGRY? Plus where was our meat?

So in due time, the meat was on the grill, we all ate and ate and ate and ate. There are a few schools of thought regarding KBBQ. Some people ordered rice to eat with concert with their meat and some people ate the chicken as well as the galbi and bulgolgi. Not me. I don't want to fill up on stuff I can eat every day or fill up on filler that is going to expand in my tummy squeezing out room for perfectly good meat. I drink very little water and just systematically insert meat in my mouth as it is done cooking.

Three hours later, I feel so sick. All I want to do is lie down. I'd curl up in a ball but my belly won't allow my legs to fold upward. The closest I can curl is in an L.

I would like to tell you the aftermath was horrible. That I took care of business when I got home, that I expelled the devil from the far recesses of my intestinal tract, that my toilet got an involuntary mud bath. But no, that did not happen. The meat stayed in my belly all night, grumbling and rolling about, making itself known, but refusing to make an appearance. As of this sitting, I have an alien body of a meat-mound the size of Mt. Olympus sitting on the side lines, waiting for it's cue...


Ninja said...

FYI, Babies take 9 months to deliver.

Deceon said...

you nasty