This Just In!

According to the American Chemical Society, nearly 90% of all U.S. paper money contains traces of cocaine.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/17/90-percent-of-us-paper-mo_n_261190.html

This also means that 90% of all U.S. paper money contains traces of snot, mucus and/or boogers.

A New Sensation!

I looked out my window tonight only to discover that my car was not in the driveway! Then I remembered Roberta cleaned out my garage and left me enough room to park my car.

I love that crazy lady. Everyone should have a Roberta in their lives, but you are not allowed to steal mine, I'll shank yo' ass.

Eastward Bound!

I go "home" tomorrow morning for the first time in over 10 years. I have so many mixed feelings about it, but mainly pure joy. I am hesitant to leave the Garden of Eating, just as it is starting to bear the fruits of my labor. The timing could not be worse! However, Roberta is around and she plans on picking the ripe fruit and watering and weeding the garden as well as feed Kitty Claw. Additionally, I won't see Cole for 9 days and that is pretty hard. But he did give me tons of extra hugs and kisses that should last me through the first weekend.

I get to revisit places I have not seen in ages. I get to eat at restaurants that I've yet to forget the dishes and I get to hang out with some of the coolest people on the planet...and do some pretty cool things with said cool people. For example, Thomas and I are going to run an 8K during my visit. I know, I know, who's ever heard of an 8K? Well that's how we do things in Kentucky. Look at that, I already sound like a native again.

'Iffin when I git back and I has me an accent, please don't make fun now, ya'll hear? It'll git back to normal in a spell.

Eggplant Extravaganza!

and it tasted even better.

I popped my first Cherry...!!!!

...Tomato that is, right into my mouth.




it was fucking delicious.

Spank Bank

In my opinion, this picture that Corazon took after our jog last week has all the elements of spank bank material...it's trashy and you can see a little bush.

D-emotion

I will get on my knees for the man or woman who invents the 20/20 foresight glasses.

But in the meantime, I have officially been demoted out of my big girl panties and am now right back in diapers. The rash is kind of a itchy but it's still better than shitting all over myself. I am demoted until further notice. Anyone who finds the image of me in diapers hot, please don't call, ever.

Running face...

My god! I'm going to have to start following Thomas' lead and start training at night.

There's a black fly in my Chardonnay...

May feels like the start of the new year. I have been so busy this month, this is actually the first time I have had time to sit down and reflect on the huge difference a span of 30 days can make. 30 days ago, I had to drink a lot of alcohol to muster up enough courage to tell my boyfriend that we were not going to make it.

Fast forward 30 days later and I have raked, weeded and tilled my backyard with the help of some really amazing folks. We now have a thriving vegetable and herb garden plus a nice steamy compost pile. Other people have caught my garden bug and want to pitch in too. I believe we are going to create a bonafide Co-op. The name of this Co-op is called the Garden of Eating.

This month, Cole has taken it upon himself to become the "man" of the house. He makes sure I eat, he gets me water, he has even put ice in a plastic baggie for my knee, none of which I have had to ask him to do, he just does it on his own when he thinks I need something. He picks up his toys and cleans his room, he helps me around the house and the garden. He even reminds me to take my vitamins. The garage is almost organized, I have a few more sections I want to tackle but I can almost fit my car in if I want. The house is clean, rearranged and more functional, there are still a few rooms that we need to tackle but that will happen with time. I have been going out more, hanging with my friends, rekindling old friendships and making new friends. I have even gone out on a few dates! I have not watched tv or movies, I have been jogging more, eating healthier and hardly drinking. I ran a 5K and came first in my division, plus I ran 10K at the Rose Bowl and ran up a mountain for 1.5 miles without stopping. I've diversified my jogging routes to include mountain trails and beaches, I am clear-headed, focused and firing on all cylinders. I feel balanced and healthy.

The irony is that in order to have been able to accomplish all of this in 30 days, all I had to do was guzzle a bottle of wine.

Dating Rule Number 1

Did ya hear about that Drew Peterson guy who's been married 4 times with 2 divorces and 1 dead wife and another one missing? Or what about Michael Peterson who was indicted for pushing his wife down the stairs and bludgeoning her with a fire poke? And who could forget Scott Peterson who drowned his pregnant wife, effectly killing 2 people with one cold and heartless act?

So what's my point?

Unless you want to potentially die a violent and torturous death, don't date anyone with the surname Peterson.